These were originally posted by Steve Laube. I claim no originality.
When is a door not really a door? When it’s ajar.
How do you organize an astronomer’s party? You planet.
What do you call a factory that makes generally decent goods? A satisfactory.
I went on a once-in-a-lifetime vacation. Never again.
If someone makes a “dad joke” when they’re not a dad, it’s a faux pa.
Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
How many tickles can an octopus take? Tentacles!
I want a job cleaning mirrors. It’s something I can really see myself doing.
What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh.
I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
Why did Cyclops close his school? He only had one pupil.
The story said that the giant’s nose was 12 inches long, but that can’t be true…. Because then it would be a foot.
What do you call a crab that plays baseball? A pinch hitter.
Why did the coffee run to the police? It got mugged!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the radio alarm clock? He won the no bell prize.
Why does Waldo only wear stripes? He doesn’t want to be spotted.
What did the procurement clerk say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
Which knight invented King Arthur’s Round Table? Sir Cumference.
What’s the best way to carve wood? Whittle by whittle.